If you're tired of not getting the girl, you might want to take a look at how you're speaking to women and just what it is you're saying to them.

Your looks are only going to get you so far and since first impressions are everything, your conversational skills will be the determining factor in whether or not a woman agrees to go on a date with you. If you've ever wondered why women keep telling you no, the following article will shed some light on the common flirting mistakes you have been making and how you can avoid them from now on.

Mistake #1: Talking 'serious' around women

Chances are you didn't catch her eye by being Mister Serious. You were probably laughing and joking around (in other words, being yourself) with your friends. But, when you walk up to her, you think she wants to see that you are composed, sophisticated, and you can carry a mature conversation.

Solution -- Be yourself. Don't be afraid to open with a crazy question that one of your friends just asked you. If she laughs, you're in. You don't need to walk up to her and pretend that you have it 'together.' Don't try to be something you are not -- most women can see right through it.

Mistake #2: Asking boring questions

So, what do you do for work? Yawn. If you want to shoot down your chance of moving past the handshake, then keep firing off the 'Top 20 Small Talk Questions to Ask When Meeting Someone New.' It works at Christmas parties and church picnics, but not when you are trying to get the phone number of the hottie in the coffee shop.

Solution -- Ask questions that demand more than a one-word or one sentence answer. Ask questions that might reveal something about that person. Ask questions that challenge (but certainly not insult) a person. That is how REAL conversation is started.

Mistake #3: Communicating too directly

"I'll call you tomorrow around lunch time..." STOP, what you are doing, and leave a little bit to the imagination. Telling her every little thing takes the game out of it -- for both of you. Men constantly give away too much when they talk to women, and it works to their disadvantage. Provide too much information, and it might just be more than she wants to hear.

Solution -- Listen more, talk less. Don't give away the details. Women are naturally attracted to the chase, so you might as well give it to her. They cannot resist wondering... "When is he going to call... Is he going to call... ??"

Mistake #4: Letting the conversation drag

Whoa! This is one of the most commonly committed errors by men -- talking too long and trying desperately to keep this hot chick in front of you for as long as possible. Until, of course, the conversation starts to lag and you find yourself toeing the floor in front of you, repeating things that were funny at the beginning of the conversation, and then finally the dreaded 10 seconds of silence before saying... OK, well I'll give you a call. You know what I am talking about.

Solution -- When you get to the peak of a conversation, leave. I don't mean just walk away in mid-sentence, but while both of you are talking and laughing, just casually look at your watch and say something like, "Oh, sorry... I've got to meet a friend in about 10 minutes..." Note: Leave with phone number in hand (or at least make sure she has yours).

Mistake #5: Sucking up too much

You're so pretty. I love your smile. Awwww... that's so nice, but she doesn't give a damn. Interestingly, most women (especially the super-attractive ones) react more favorably to teasing rather than sucking up. Sucking up doesn't give you the backbone, and certainly doesn't exude the confidence you need to land the girl.

Solution -- Get a backbone and make this girl realize that she isn't going to bowl you over with looks alone. Stick out your tongue, or comment on something in her teeth. You give the impression that your standards might just be a little higher than hers... she'll be intrigued to say the least... and she won't exactly know why.

Mistake #6: Talking without intention

If you fail to plan, then you should plan to fail. That saying is as old as dirt -- but it's true. So why would you go up to a girl without an end plan? I don't know either. Are you after her number? Do you want to give her yours? Or are you propositioning her for the evening...? No matter how you slice it, you better know where you are headed, or you are going nowhere with her. Don't just talking for the sake of talking -- that's how you end up at Mistake #4.

Solution -- If you want to end up getting her number, then you need to talk your way into getting it. It's not a manipulation thing, but you need to work yourself into a place where it seems appropriate to ask (or to give her yours).

Mistake #7: Don't know what to say

In reality, the other six mistakes never come into play because most men never let themselves get past this point. Ever walk up to a girl and open your mouth and nothing comes out? Me either... but you can imagine the feeling if it actually did happen. That's why we talk ourselves out of stepping up to the plate in the first place. We have no idea what to say. We are afraid to be ourselves, we don't want to ask boring questions, we only know how to suck up to pretty girls, we are deathly afraid of 'silence' and we don't have a plan. Perfect, so let's not even go up to her.

Solution -- Wake up fellas! The only way you are ever going to knock the ball out of the park is if you get in the game! You can't get the girl by sitting on the sidelines. Arm yourself with a plan, don't ask boring questions, intrigue her, tease her, keep her guessing -- and start landing the ladies you want!

You can't sidestep the flirting part, yet it is where most men make mistakes. The unfortunate circumstance is a constant merry-go-round of rejections, or worse, could-have-hads-but-chickened-outs. Master the art of flirting and you will notice your social calendar bulging at the seams!

View all Chris Williamson's articles

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